“The least of us know that love is a cruel and terrible master. One loses oneself for the sake of the other, but in doing so becomes enslaved and miserable to the most capricious of all the gods.”
If Love is enslaving, then Divorce – the Decree Absolute – promises
a release from this emotional slavery. Which is all well and good. But the
process can take a long time (even a quickie divorce feels like a long time), and
even when the situation is amicable it is still one of the most stressful
things in life. That is official by the way and I’m not just saying that
because that’s what I’m going through. It’s up there with selling a house,
bereavement, and redundancy.
So right now I need a solution to the STRESS and the EMOTION
and the CONFUSION that I am experiencing and one which doesn’t involve drowning
my sorrows in Scotch Whisky. Luckily (my liver is particularly happy about
this) there is a solution which doesn’t involve marinating in alcohol, and that
solution (surprise-surprise for a running blog) is RUNNING.
I find that running is so empowering: you take control back and you
effect change which makes you not only feel good, but actually makes you feel
great. And as a side effect you also get healthy and lose a bit of weight (I have lost over a stone). So, I
have compiled some semi-serious principles for running through a divorce (or
anything stressful):
1) RUNNING MAKES YOU FEEL GOOD
Simple and true. Whilst every sensible couch potato should
take medical advice before embarking on a new exercise regime, you cannot beat running
as a cheap and effective way to improve mental and physical health. You don’t
need to run for miles and miles, short regular running is life enhancing in
many ways. Running boosts feel good chemicals, breaks down stress chemicals and
releases stressful emotions such as anger, and gives a focus, regimentation,
and order at a time in one’s life where there is great uncertainty. Punching
inanimate objects such as walls, and door surrounds whilst releasing anger will
just make your hand hurt and make you feel stupid – running is a proactive way
to release the build-up of tension. And its great getting outside and into nature even if the current weather makes every forest path look like Sleepy Hollow!
2) RUNNING CAN FIX MOST THINGS…EVEN A BROKEN HEART
Now I am not an expert and I can’t even claim that principle
was my idea, it was a friend and colleague who said to me, with all of the
wisdom that women tend to have, that “running can fix most things”… and that
“everything will work out in the end” and I think she was right. Time heals as
well. By focusing on what you enjoy doing, even if it is running (or blogging
about running as I do) will set a more positive trajectory for the path you
tread; time then passes more easily than it had done before, and healing begins
– despite the apparent uncertainty that lays ahead.
3) EMBRACE THE UNCERTAINTY: LIFE SUDDENLY BECOMES AN ADVENTURE
Divorce can make life appear uncertain leading to feelings
of anxiety. However, baby steps and little achievements can tip the balance
from anxiety and depression to a sense of contentment and satisfaction, and
raise self-esteem. The sense of rejection that comes with divorce, as I have
found, can really knock the confidence – both in one’s private life and even in
the work place. You need to take it back.
For myself, running in “barefoot” shoes make every run an
adventure unfolding; every rocky path becomes a challenge; forcing a constant
analysis of the path ahead and body posture, gait, and enhancing mindfulness.
There is nothing like treading on a sharp stone to bring the mind back into the
now, and the now is the most powerful moment that we have. Without being too melodramatic,
running has saved my life… or at least set it onto a more healthy and
beneficial trajectory.
4) DIVORCE IS A TEMPORARY STRESS: BUT YOUR HEALTH IS YOUR
FUTURE.
You know, divorce is pretty shit, but there are worse things
in life. Being alive and being fit and healthy is pretty awesome when you think
about it. I have also learnt that you just need to accept the help that people
want to offer you, the advice, the friendship, the lunch time walks, more
advice, the hugs, and the cajoling it takes to get you into lunch time gym sessions…accepting
all of this rather than pushing people away. A variety of exercise is really
good for the body and the soul.
5) RUNNING IS ONE OF THE KEYS TO HAPPINESS. AND IT CAN FIX JUST
ABOUT ANYTHING*.
*Proviso – running can also kill you so get medical advice
before embarking on a running regime!
So, in conclusion, if you don’t currently run, then do an
internet search for a Couch to 5K regime get some medical advice and then stick
to the regime by the letter. If you are already a runner then what are you
waiting for? As the weather gets warmer and the evenings lighter, there are less
excuses for not getting out there, improving physical and mental health at time
of great stress, not just for relationship woes but for all those traumatic
events when life sends you a curveball.
